KENSUP

I have undertaken a project in Kenya, researching the progress of a countrywide urban development program, known as the Kenya Slum Upgrading Project (KENSUP). I make an everyday journey to one slum in particular, Kibera.

Facts about Kibera:
• It is the second largest slum in Africa, and one of the largest informal settlements in the world
• The total population is unknown, but it is estimated to be between 600,000 to 1.2 million people (up to 25% of Nariobi’s total inhabitants)
• The area is approximately one square mile (less than 1% of Nairobi’s total area)
• It is estimated that Kibera houses one-fifth of Kenyans living with HIV

As I walk to the border of Kibera, I can see no movement within the slum. It looks peaceful, inhabited, yet lifeless; a sea of corrugated rusted metal crammed tightly together. Then I hear life. Children playing, people yelling and even talking, all at once, I hear it. It sounds like I have stepped into a buzzing amphitheater. The people here are real and alive.

KENSUP attempts to transform the informal “slums” into government-controlled apartments. Residents of Soweto, a neighborhood in Kibera, have been placed in a holding area, deemed “the decanting site,” for several years while the government upgrades their homes into formal settlements. I have never been sure of how many people live in the decanting site, but I would estimate it is between 1,000 and 2,000 people.

For some, the project offers a new opportunity, but for many, it means eviction. In the decanting site are flats, each flat has three bedrooms, a kitchen, and bathroom. Citizens pay more money than they are used to to rent these apartments; many lose their tax-free rent and income from their businesses. Shop-type home businesses are unable to function in the flats, away from the large customer base of Kibera. However, the site provides reliable water and electricity; it is sanitary and trash-free.

I go to the decanting site everyday to research the living conditions and interview its inhabitants, to ask them about the changes in their lives since moving out of the slum. The first thing I learned about Kiberians is that they are the friendliest people I have ever encountered. Their openness and generosity, despite having so little, have astounded me. I was immediately accepted into their home, although I felt like I was intruding. My good friend, Florence, suggested that I come live with her. Florence is a superb English speaker and has translated the majority of my interviews (as I can speak simple Swahili but have difficulty deciphering it when spoken. It is the same with the residents’ English skills). I have been invited into many homes, been given juice, and have had to decline when they offer me more. Although it may be rude in Kenyan standards, I tell them, “I would rather it be saved for your children.” My other friends, Edwin and Rebecca, have each given me tours of the site and strive to help me with my research. Two days ago, Florence told me she is going to nickname her newborn Kelsey.

Through my visits, I learned that Kiberians were at first skeptical to move into the decanting site. The government of Kenya is at times unreliable, and often steeped with corruption. However, when faced with eviction though demolition, they often have no choice but to comply. Upon arriving at the decanting site, many have told me that their lives became much better. There is constant water and electricity. In the slum, drinking water is fetched with a bucket because the water and sewage pipes are mixed.

In the decanting site, the environment is clean – no “flying toilets” (The toilet-human ratio in the slum is about 1 to 50, so many times human waste is thrown out the window). Kibera’s foundation is built on trash and is very unstable. In the decanting site, however, women are happy to allow their children to play outside without fear of diseases from the sewage. Unfortunately, living in the site is damaging to the income of the displaced residents. Running a business is incredibly difficult, as the decanting site does not have the large customer base of Kibera. The majority of women set up small stands to sell vegetables, fruits, or other goods, but they are not permitted to move their business outside the decanting site, and no customers from the slum may enter the decanting site from outside.

Overall, the women believe the program to be good. But they need loans and capital to jump-start their businesses and to help their fellow women. Although the decanting site offers many advantages over the slum, its residents are earning less income and paying more rent. When I asked what would be most beneficial to their families, the women respond, “money.” They need money to support a family in the decanting site, and, most importantly, to send their children to school. Many have asked me for a sponsorship for the education of their children.

The government claims that the housing is only temporary, and it estimates that they will be able to move back to their homes in three years. But the government does not provide any nearby schools, and three years is a long time to go without education. The first thing I noticed was the children playing in the decanting site during the weekday afternoon. Many children play all day in the decanting site, as school is too far and too expensive.

The women of the decanting site asked for me to help them obtain sponsorships for their children. In Kenya, primary education is “free.” But it is nothing like the U.S. public education. Families must buy books, mandatory uniforms, and provide daily transport for their kids. In even some schools, they must buy their children a desk or the children will sit on the floor.

BBC's "Nairobi Slum Life":

Into Kibera
An Evening in Kibera
Kibera's Children
Escaping Kibera

A donation organization, Children of Kibera

Central Market Area in the Decanting Site

Market Again

Monument in the Decanting Site with Florence and her baby on the left and several children residents

The view of Kibera I see as I walk to the decanting site everyday

The KENSUP Sign

View of Kibera

Children playing in the Decanting site

Children playing outside the decanting site

My young friend on his balcony in the decanting site

Decanting site

Laundry and Fence separating the decanting site and Kibera

My friend Edwin tuning his TV. He is quite successful as a Marketing Exec in Nairobi. He lives alone.

A sink in an apartment

A kitchen

View from a balcony

ZANZIBAR

My parents left on New Year's Eve and then I spent a few days in Nairobi. On January 5, my classmates Tegan and Emily, Tegan's brother, Henry, and I started our journey to Zanzibar, Tanzania. Zanzibar is a beautiful island just off the Tanzanian coast. We awoke at 5am, to take a taxi to the bus station. We waited for an hour, while being harassed by an insane person. We loaded the bus and were handed breakfast. Then we sat. And sat. And sat. For 15 hours. We finally arrived in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, at 10pm, feeling exhausted and angry at the bus. We stayed at the YWCA that night. The next day we set out, after our miserable YWCA breakfast, to obtain ferry tickets to Zanzibar. As soon as we reached the coast, we entered a frenzy of men pulling us towards every boat office. After an hour of searching and debating, we finally found what seemed to be a reputable one, exchanged our Tanzanian Shillings into US Dollars to pay, and sat in their nice office air conditioning for a little bit (AC is rare in Nairobi). We ate and began our next task, to buy return bus tickets to Nairobi. What we didn't know, was that this task was to be one hundred times more difficult and exhausting than buying ferry tickets.

We found the "dalla dalla" (Tanzanian version of a matatu, much more tame and peaceful) that goes to the bus station, and when we arrived we swamped by at least ten aggressive men trying to direct us to a certain bus office. It seemed impossible to talk amongst ourselves, as these men were butting in and physically pulling on us. It was also impossible to talk to anyone in the offices, as the men interrupted with what they thought we wanted. Finally, our yelling and angry comments subsided most of them. Except one: a horrible man, who kept getting in our way as we were trying to make decisions and who I repeatedly told, "Sipendi wewe" (I don't like you). Finally, we had made our decision and we started toward our decided office. Then, we saw him coming, Em started sprinting and so did I. Em entered the small office as I turned to cut him off, pushing his chest with my East Africa Guidebook. As Emily was exchanging information and buying the tickets, I was outside the office, telling the man, "Kuna matata!!!" (there is a problem) and him saying, "Oh, no. You make mistake, its: Hakuna matata" (No problem). "HAPANA! NAJUA! KUNA MATATA!" (No! I know! There is a problem!). Finally, we successfully left with tickets in hand and the promise of a shorter bus ride, while the man went to collect his undeserved commission.

The next day was Zanzibar Day! We ate our last unfulfilling breakfast and went down to the port again. We loaded the ferry and we squeezed below deck with no AC or breeze, and yet again, I got motion sick (odd, since I have never been seasick and ride boats all the time at my lake house). So Em and I climbed up to the bow, packed with people and cargo. We met a Caucasian, malaria doctor, documentary maker, who told us that Zanzibar hasn't had electricity for a month. Jaw dropped, I imagined our trip ruined. No power = no ATMs = no money = no accommodation or food.

When we reached Zanzibar, we discovered that many places used generators, which ruined the some of the majestic qualities of the island, but in all, was a lifesaver. We found a little place to stay, the Haven Guest House, where I would continue my bucket showering and Em, Tegan and Henry would get to experience the novelty.

On Zanzibar, we had a routine:

• Wake up early to a wonderfully prepared and included breakfast
• Partake in an organized tour arranged by our hotel
• Return and shower
• Head to Livingston’s for Happy Hour on the beach
• And then to the food extravaganza in the park (tables and grills lit by lantern scattered across the park, offering fish (all kinds!) kebobs, fruit, pizzas (chocolate was the favorite), and juice. And then sometimes to watch boys jumping off the pier or lightening flickering over the ocean.)

First day we went on a spice tour, learning about the methods and uses and then sampling the spices grown on the island. Then we were dropped at a beautiful beach to swim and snorkel.

Day two we went on a dolphin tour. We had been warned by my guidebook that “dolphin tours cannot be recommended due to their hunt and chase tactics.” But we just had to try it. We got our gear and set out on a rickety boat to join other boats, that were encircling a pod of dolphins. Although, it may have been one of the most memorable experiences of my life, it was torture for our aquatic friends. They really did use “hunt and chase tactics” since the dolphins were so fast. But as a swam above them for awhile, I could hear their clicking communication and was entranced by their gracefulness. There were even babies. Em was able to even swim in the pod among them for a few minutes. We returned to the coast with jelly fish stings and guilt.

The third day, Henry and I opted to go on a snorkeling tour, while Tegan and Emily stayed to explore Stone Town. We were picked up on the beach by a dhow boat filled with Polish couples. Then we rode for two hours and survived 6-foot waves in our little boat. We arrived at the famed snorkeling spot to find a hundred other snorkelers already in the water. I got in, begrudgingly, and made my way through the pack. Then I saw the most awesome scenery: coral, fish, drop-offs, and scuba divers. Henry and I loaded back into the boat an hour later. Soon, the boat turned toward the Zanzibar shore. We were made to jump into the unstable water, with coral, and not kill ourselves. But we were surprised by a wonderful rice, fish and fruit lunch (no fish for me!) and views of the most amazing beach I have ever been to. The waves, sand and scenery were perfect.

The fourth day was leaving day. We went to the Darajani Market, which Tegan and Em had found the day before, and a alley that I deemed: “Khanga Heaven.” Exotic colors and patterns of the fabric lined the street. It was a buying frenzy.

We left the island on a much nicer boat, arrived in Dar and went straight to the place where we saw a “Subway” sign. Inside, we actually did find the American restaurant Subway and Em, Teg and I ate our first bites of American food in months. Magical.

We strode to the YWCA to find there was no vacancy there or in the YMCA. Panicked, we searched the guidebook and even considered paying $150 to stay in the Holiday Inn. However, a pushy taxi driver said he knew a place and offered to drive. The “Holiday Hotel” looked quite sketchy from the outside, but was much nicer than the YWCA at the same price.

We woke up early again and made our way to the bus station. We rode a bus not as nice as the first one and actually arrived in Nairobi an hour later (due to a road block). We had returned safe, after one of my most favorite vacations of my life.


PHOTOS

December 2009

December 2009 was a whirlwind of final papers and vacation planning. I completed Kiswahili II, Gender and Development, Geographies of Development and African Political Science. I was also going to my ICRP (Integrated Cultural Research Project) internship when I didn't have class. I intern at Shelter Forum.

Then classes ended and my parents and brother came that day! We stayed in Nairobi for a bit, learning about traffic and matatus, then went to Maasai Mara, Lake Nakuru, Lake Naivasha, Amboseli, Tsavo West, and then to the coast: Malindi and Mombasa.

Family Vacation Photos

November 2009 in Photos

PHOTOS of my visit to the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust Elephant Orphanage, the Giraffe Center, and Amboseli National Park, Kenya.

PHOTOS of my school excursion to Maasai Mara Reserve, Kenya.

Things I'm starting to miss

Going to the movie theater

Mac and Cheese

CHEESE! (I now go to the grocery store pretending to contemplate which cheese to buy so I can sample them all, then I hastily leave with an excuse. Cheese is expensive here.)

Taco Bell

Post paid cell phones

Driving a car

Not getting stolen from. My phone was most likely stolen a few weeks ago. I have a new security device which is a string attached to my new phone so that I can secure it to my body. Also, a few days ago, my matatu got stuck in traffic so I had to walk into town in the rain. It was crowded and someone managed to unzip my backpack. Luckily, nothing was stolen, but I resorted to walking with my backpack on my front, like a tourist, and it was traumatizing.

There is a huge amount of cutting. In the grand United States, there is a rule called “First come, first served.” And it means, wait your turn in line or else you’re a jerk. Here, the rule is: “Everyman for himself.” Example: I am directly in front of the window of a small shop, buying airtime, holding out my money. A man walks up, squeezes his hand between myself and the window and orders something. AND THE WORKER ASSISTS HIM! I worked in retail and always kept an eye on who deserved to be served next. And if there was a discrepancy, I would not allow the selfish person the luxury of being served out of turn. Even at the hospital, a man walked past everyone in a queue, and I, being the next in line, took up as much space as possible to ward him off. When it came to be my turn, I ran to the counter, but he nudged his way in and was served. I, of course, protested, and was actually turned down.

October… oops.

Kisumu

In October, our class went on a excursion to Kisumu, Kenya, to study rural development. Kisumu is on Lake Victoria (one of the largest lakes in the world behind the great lakes) in western Kenya. Kisumu is Kenya’s second largest city, although you wouldn’t believe it.

We went to the YWCA in Kisumu and talked about development. Then we went to St. Anne's Orphanage, a community of old women that take care of young children who have lost parents due to HIV/AIDS. The children were adorable. They had a lot of fun touching my skin. We met with a woman with AIDS and TB. She was so weak. Her husband had kicked her out of her house and then she was chased out of her community. She is now living with her mother and daughter. Her food is from USAID.

Then next day we went to a fishing community. But I wasn’t really into that because I don’t like fish of the smell and the huge dead fish was getting to me.

We went to Mama Sarah’s house (Barack Obama’s grandmother), but unfortunately she was at a funeral. But we were able to talk to her daughter. We saw pictures of young Barack and his father’s grave.

Also on the trip, I met a wonderful woman named Zeryn who invited me back to work on pots with her. I hope I am going to return to Kisumu the last week I am in Kenya to make traditional Luo pots!

Zeryn asked me if I sell my pots in the U.S. I said no, it was just a hobby. In fact, usually give my pots away. Then I realized that her life had no room for hobbies. It was her livelihood. I am fortunate to have hobbies. Hobbies are a privilege.

Finally, we went to a Bondo district school to help build a floor in a classroom. It was a long day in the sun, digging up rocks, placing them as the base of the floor, and filling in the cracks with dirt. We didn't finish, but it was an accomplishment.

Nairobi

On Halloween, I went to the Basket of Hope orphanage with Paloma to make masks with the eight children and “carve pumpkins” (coloring the paper pumpkins that I had cut out). The children were so excited. Afterward, Tegan and I bought our own pumpkin and carved it into the most wonderful jack-o-lantern on the continent.

Finally Video

Finally Photos

October 2009:

Kisumu

Elephants, Nairobi, Halloween

Petting Cheetahs

PHOTOS of my days in Nairobi and at Nairobi National Park

Naivasha Photos

This album took eight hours, over two weeks, of sitting in cyber cafes and computer labs watching an upload screen. I expect comments.

Naivasha Land

Maisha katika Kenya

Anecdotes is the name of the game.

Kenyan texting is really skillful.

Ex.

“wow.. tht sounds nice.. am bout to go home.”
(Wow. That sounds nice. I am about to go home.)

“hi!av juz gt ya massage.am gd an kul. Thanx 4 remembering.nyt”
(Hi! I have just got your message. I am good and cool. Thanks for remembering. Good night.)

“HI,op u guys arived safly.av a lovely nyt”
(Hi. I hope you guys arrived safely. Have a lovely night.)

And my responses usually go something like this:

“I am so glad to hear from you. I hope you are having a great time. We will talk soon!”
(I will never be able to text like you.)


Our favorite foods in Kenya:
beans in a bag
chapati – fried flour tortillas
samosas – plump, triangle, fried, meat-filled, crispy
croissants
pilau – spiced rice
ugali – flour, dough-like food eaten with your hands
sausages
chips – French fries
donuts - more like a bread dough (they also have a long donut, cut down the middle and filled with whip cream known as an “American hot dog”)
Digestive Biscuits
Gritty Peanut Butter
Chai
Fanta
Mango Juice
Passion, mango, papaya, banana, oranges


Prices in Kenya:
Matatu ride home: 20 ksh / 30 ksh after 5pm ($.25 / $.40)
1 litre bottled water: 30 ksh ($.40)
My cheap cell phone: 2,500 ksh ($35)
Sunday Daily Nation News Paper: 40 ksh ($.55)
Lunch (Delicious whole chicken breast, plate of rice, Fanta): 150 ksh ($2)
Texts: 7 ksh ($.10)
Cab ride home to town: 200 ksh ($2.65)
Cab ride to Karen: 1,500 ksh ($20)
Pantene: 600 ksh ($8)
Banana: 10 ksh ($.13)
Candy bar: 80 ksh ($1.05)
DVD Series season: 100 ksh ($1.30)
DVD with 10 movies: 200 ksh ($2.65)

I recently went shopping at the local markets, not the tourist markets. These markets sell the clothes that Americans and Europeans donate. All shirts at set at 100 ksh ($1.30). I bought an organic cotton shirt and a JCrew strapless spring dress. They were both in need of washing, but are quite excellent. I worked hard to for these finds.

Speaking of clothes washing, all clothes in Kenya are hand washed. A hired woman and sometimes my host mom wash my clothes almost daily. I am in charge of washing my underwear. This led to a dilemma – I have never hand washed clothes in this quantity before. I thought, “What would a washing machine do?” My mantra is now, WWAWMD? So, I began swirling the water for a wash cycle, then rung them for the spin cycle, then did a rinse cycle, then another spin cycle. I was a little machine.

Time is at a standstill. There are no seasons, so to me, it is NOT October. I live in an alternate universe in which time does not pass. Without a temperature change, there is no time change. I am adjusting to the temperature though. Today I was freezing and it was 68 degrees. I tell the people at the markets I cannot buy long sleeves because I get too hot. They are not surprised. I sweat through my clothes on most days.

My morning routine is rush, rush, rush, according to Kenyan culture. Chippa often asks if I am late or if I overslept. However, this is also the person who lazily sips his breakfast noodles and complains he will be late for class in four hours because he has to fully enjoy his breakfast.

I like the relaxation here - it is calming. I have not had white hairs! I don’t feel guilty about being late. IT IS AWESOME! I have never been this way in my life; I used to running out the door while packing my bag, finishing my homework and eating breakfast.

People say some pretty interesting things to me when I tell them I am American. Most of the time it is, “OH! OBAMA!” People really really love Obama here. He is plastered to most matatus. Sidenote - Today I saw the 90s Detroit Pistons logo on a matatu. It was really exciting.

Other than Obama, I have been asked, “What state are you from” (once it was, “What senate are you from?”). When in Naivasha, the little children seemed to know only one English phrase. “How are you?” was chanted by hundreds of children as we biked past. Imagine a four year old jumping up and down and screaming, “HowareyouHowareyouHowareyou HowareyouHowareyouHowareyouHowareyouHowareyouHowareyouHowareyou.”

Riding the matatu has been really fun. I quickly learned that they take different routes that may not pass my house. In which case I have to wait until I recognize something and make a fuss so I can get off. Matatu conductors can also have an attitude. For some reason I keep getting asked if I am ok. I must have a pained look on my face, and the combination of that plus being white, it seems like my first, terrifying, experience on a matatu. A few days ago, I accidently got on a full matatu, meaning I had to stand. It is not a big deal, everyone else does it, but I feel more safe sitting so I can guard my backpack. So, I looked around like a lost child for a while and a man graciously gave up his seat. I gave him an “asante” and sat down. The matatu conductor turned to me and snidely said, “I hope you said thank you.”

Ninafurahi

Its been so long! A lot has happened!

SAFARI

I returned from our first excursion to Mombasa a little disappointed. Mombasa was absolutely excellent; I wish I had more time there. We had class in our hotel, which was a little tortuous considering we were on the coast of the Indian Ocean. Luckily, we were able to move class one day in order to go snorkeling! We went out on rickety, wooden canoes with sails. We had to travel very far away from our hotel to avoid the marine police. Our guides were worried that the marine police would not believe that we were students and would require a higher fee or brides. Sailing was just as fun a snorkeling. It was so freeing to be flying over the water. Our guide swam around with us for a few hours. He showed us so many things: star fish, sea urchins, puffer fish, eels, coral, and clown fish. No sharks luckily! I held a puffer fish - it was slimy! Overall it was a wonderful adventure. Mombasa has a large Muslim population and we went during Ramadan. One evening, we got to break the fast with a Muslim family. They seemed so happy to host us. I was worried since there was 14 of us. The meal took 8 hours to prepare, and was the labor of one woman, our host's sister. She started her day early early by going to the market to buy all the food, then cooked all day without being able to eat. I was so impressed. I can't even get cookies in the oven without eating half the batch. The food was awesome! There was flour and rice cakes, fried whole fish (Paloma and Collin ate the eye balls!) and so so so much more.

Last weekend, seven of us traveled to Naivasha, Kenya. It is a smaller town about two hours from Nairobi. We stayed in "bunks." It was just a room with beds and toilets and showers outside. The camp was on Lake Naivasha which is famous for its hippos and flamingos. The camp has a fence and a ditch with a drawbridge that is closed at night to keep the hippos out. We didn't see any hippos, disappointment.... But that is why we are going back. On Saturday we rented bikes, and after an hour dispute for student rates, entered Hell's Gate National Park. This is one of my most amazing life experiences. Go to Africa and do this. The park is stretches of savanna and high rock cliffs (like in the Lion King when Mufasa dies), truly picturesque. We biked in close range to zebras, cape buffalo, baboons, gazelle, and warthogs. There was nothing separating us from them, how exhilarating. At one point, we deviated from the trail and when returning were cut off by a pair of cape buffalo! It was terrifying, but amazing. They were slow and calm and just ate grass. Then we reached our destination, the gorge within the park. We were about to go down in it but it started pouring. Apparently, it pours every afternoon, all afternoon. So we got back on our bikes to start the 10 km ride in the downpour. Freezing, drenched, and mud splattered, we arrived at camp and quickly changed and went to the camp restaurant to drink hot chocolate.

On Friday, Tegan, Robbie and I searched for the elephant orphanage that I have become captivated with while watching the documentary show, "Elephant Diaries." We were misinformed about the matatu station and ended up instead at the Nairobi National Park entrance. Which was fine, but our day's plans completely changed. We went to the general Animal Orphanage there and a safari board walk. The animal orphanage houses a lot of cheetahs, mainly because baby cheetahs are so vulnerable (very few survive) that whenever one is found abandoned, it is cared for to boost the endangered population. There were many other species too. Soon after entering we were approached and asked if we wanted to pet the cheetahs! We said yes and soon we in the cheetah cage with three grown cheetahs! They we so calm and purred when we pet them. Their hair was very coarse, I had expected it to be like a cats. Their spots are so perfect, exact circles! We slipped the caretakers a few hundred shillings and continued on. I don't feel right about the bribery, and the cheetahs' life and environment were not helped because of us, but petting the cheetahs was quite amazing. Then we were approached and asked if we wanted to hold baby cheetahs! Now, this is probably worse, but we couldn't resist and soon were in the cheetah nursery. The babies looked somewhat like cats, but their eyes were so big and round and captivating. They had a bit of a hard time walking like a any other animal baby. It was really amazing and made me wish that I had a pet cheetah that would curl up with me on the couch.

SHULE

I have finished two classes already! On Monday we had our last Geographies and Development lecture, although we have more excursions through the class and therefore more papers. On Wednesday I finished Kiswahili I and I will start Kiswahili II on Monday. I am moving to the higher class, as I am the only one from the lower class continuing. I'm a little nervous. I am also taking Gender and Development and Political Science.

We have started talking about our ICRPs (if you are out of the loop, check out my first post). My plan may not be allowed, but I am going to fight for it. I want to travel to a tribe in rural Kenya to spend time with the potter women of the tribe. There, I hope to assist in the collect of clay from a clay source, and the rituals associated with the collection. The clay is usually carried long distances. Once it is transported, grog (sand-like grit) is added to the clay to add stability. The clay is wedged until the proper consistency is obtained. Pots are created with hand building techniques. There are specific forms and decorations that differ by location. Then there's the firing. It's basically a bonfire with pots. I hope to participate in this whole process. After some time is spent within the tribe, I hope to aid in the transportation of the pots to the urban market. I would go back to Nairobi and work with the people who sell the pots. I know a lot about the process because I have researched Kenyan tribal pottery before coming to Kenya through one of my classes. The problem is that ICRPs must be done in Nairobi so that the student can return to their host family at night. Fred said we would discuss it though.

MAISHA

In the previous post I wrote about challenges. I recently realized why I came to Kenya - to challenge myself. I challenged myself in a way that is so different from what I know; I do not even know the outcome. I am enjoying myself because I am being challenged. It is quite the opposite. I love the challenges, they are shaping my experience. They are the biggest part of my life.

Recently, I have had issues with people approaching me on the street. The attention I get is not fun. If I am alone, I will get approached several times a day. Today, a well dressed, clean man came up to me asking where I was going. Then he asked, "Can you help me?" I knew it was coming. I immediately said, "NO." He walked away a little shocked and then started mumbling about how he needs food. I see people on the street who are immobile, laying limp or have lost their fingers and toes or children who repeat the same phrase over and over. They all pull at my heart, but this man did not. He angered me. There were so many other people that actually need help. He was out strolling on a Saturday and spoke perfect English. Knowing English well is a sign that the person is middle or upper class; rural areas do not teach English.

Later that day, a matatu conductor really wanted me to get on the matatu. Matatu drivers often grab my forearm to get my attention. I always swiftly pull my arm down to show that I do not want to be touched. This matatu driver grabbed me, and then after two times of resisting and running away, finally stopped. Then a cop appeared, but I doubt he did anything.

As I was going home, a Kenyan my age asked if I could spare a minute of my time. I reluctantly said no. He was being very polite, and I could have listened to what he had to say, but I had a long day unwanted interactions. He continued his politeness and respected my wishes. This is the hard thing about Kenya, there is no way to tell who is good and who is not.

Overall, I am falling in love with Nairobi and its people. I still love shocking people with my knowledge of Kiswahili. I also love telling people that I'm from Nairobi. They laugh.

A Third Week Retrospective

September 19

I like making lists...

Things that are challenging

• Exhaust: There are fewer regulations, perhaps no regulations, when it comes to vehicle exhaust here. Thick smoke pours out of exhaust pipes and right into my face. Sometimes I am unlucky enough to be walking behind a bus when it starts up and get a blast onto my legs that quickly envelopes my entire body.
• Trash and lack of recycling: This really tears at my emotions. It is so sad to see a beautiful field covered, literally, in trash. It is very common. Trash piles are everywhere, even in city parks. No one ever recycles, so there is no place for me to recycle. I miss America in this respect.
• Living in dangerous “Nairobbery”: I am not able to travel easily at night, nor take my camera to many places, and I usually hide my money in my bra. I miss going out easily at night, even just the times my mom and I would go to the grocery at 10pm.
• Lack of raw vegetables: Dear carrot, I miss you.
• No being able to wash my hands: My hands are so sticky from using hand sanitizer all the time. When I actually do get to wash my hands, dirt runs of them. It’s gross to think how dirty my hands are, yet they are so sanitary.
• Missing hamburgers and pizza: Their pizza is ok.
• Getting stared at and blatantly talked about: Today as I was leaving my house, two guys were staring at me and obviously talking about me in Kiswahili. I gave them the old “Habari gani” and that shut them up quickly. (Habari gani is a common, pleasant greeting)
• Knowing that many Kenyans are starving: There is a major drought here. All Kenyans are affected and most are in hardship. Some wait days for a sip of water. In rural places, people are drinking dirty water that is making them sick. Crops are dying and, therefore, so are cattle.
• Being scared because I am a woman: Generally, women are treated with less respect. I guess it happens everywhere.
• Complete disregard for pedestrians: I have gotten close to being run over many times, especially when walking by myself. Cars actually honk at pedestrians to get out of the road. It can take a long time to cross the road.
• Traffic jams: Without jams, I can get home in 10 minutes. With jams, it can take hours. You never know how long it is going to take.
• Distrust of people: It has been hard to meet genuine people. We (Americans) have a hard time reading Kenyans. White people are a novelty; it’s true, I’ve lived it. It’s hard to know who is interested in you as a person.
• People thinking that I’m a tourist so I have lots of money: I get asked for money a lot. I generally carry about 500 Ksh on me (~$7)
• Saying ‘no’ to children who ask for money: I love children (see “likes” section), but I say no when they ask for money. I’ve been told it is a scheme and they only ask white people. The other day Tegan and I rejected some children. They went to the next table over and the Kenyans there gave them food. Tegan and I felt really guilty.
• Walking in such congested sidewalks: Sometimes I wish I could walk freely. I feel claustrophobic.
• Suspicion that I hold a fake student ID: Our group has to fight to get student rates. People do not believe that we are Kenyan students.
• Paying so much for internet: At my house, I pay per MB. I wish I could video chat.
• Fear of offending my host mom
• Meat: It’s chewier, bonier, and fatter.
• Being expected to be Christian: Religious questions are very common. People often ask right away. I think it is the culture of missionaries. People really want me to believe in god. It’s hard to say no, but I stand by my non-belief. Many Kenyans are Christian, except for those who are Muslim, so perhaps it is usually a common bond to build a relationship.

Things that I enjoy

• Children: They are adorable and so playful.
• School uniforms: All students wear uniforms. The children are so cute.
• Chai: It means tea. It’s made with milk instead of water. It’s drank four times a day. Yum.
• Long lunches
• Mango juice
• Passion fruit
• Buying a litre of bottled water for 65 cents
• Learning how to get around: I’ve learned that matatus are quite easy to ride, you just have to know where to get the one you want.
• Getting to know my host family
• Getting to know my American classmates: I love them all and really enjoy our circle questions, i.e. “give a description of your siblings,” or “what is your best and worst birthday.” I love learning about everyone’s life.
• Birthdays: We’ve celebrated two already!
• Kenyan TV: Kenyans watch a lot of American shows, but at the same time have their own shows, like “Tusker Project Fame.” Even though I can’t understand it, I love watching the news in Kiswahili. Sometimes my host mom translates, but I just enjoy listening.
• Surprising people with Kiswahili
• Asking questions about basic things
• Kenyans are relationship orientated: they take time to talk and value their friends so much. In America, people rush. They try to get out of conversations. Here people are really interested in how you are. There is no ‘hello.’ ‘Jambo!’ is b.s. There are many greetings, such as ‘habari gani’ – What is the news?
• Learning Kiswahili
• A cell phone that generally gets service everywhere: Safaricom is a king of corporations. It is huge. I think it is the largest company because it is always mentioned during the stock market news. Its logo is painted on a third of buildings, I have no idea how they are able to do that.
  
• Running errands in Nairobi
• Watching orphan elephants on TV: I really want to visit them, I wrote it as an option for my ICRP. They have strong emotions. They need love.
• Learning from and laughing with my host mom

Things I’m adjusting to

• BO: People get sweaty here, but I do too and it’s ok.
• Showering with a bucket: I’ve gotten pretty efficient. It makes me use less soap.
• Peeing in holes: I actually get really excited when I succeed at peeing. It’s like I’m 2. I also get really excited when a bathroom has toilet paper, running water, or soap. All are somewhat rare. When I’m around town I tend to sneak into the University skyscraper to use the bathrooms. They have seats on the bowl.
• Constant honking. Sometimes I like to imagine it as the beginning of a musical composition. But that quickly fades.
• Loud matatus. Today I rode in one that had one large screen and 4 smaller screens throughout the bus all playing a music video
• Large bugs
• Sleeping with a mosquito net
  

Photos

I hope this works!

Photos

Katika Kiswahili

September 13, 2009

Monday was my official first day of classes. I did not prepare for this trip by taking Kiswahili, like most students in my group so I was placed into the lower class with the Bwana (Mr.) Bens and Becky. Its hard and intense, but it feels so good to learn it.

We have class for two hours, then tea break, then 1.5 hours of class, then an hour for lunch, then two more hours of class. It’s a long day, especially when it takes an hour or so to get home because of the traffic. It takes me about 10 minutes to get to school. I am very lucky.

Kenyans cannot pronounce my name. I am called Kesley or Kelse-a. George, my teacher, even wrote my name on the board yesterday: Keshley. I don’t mind though.

George is a very interesting teacher. His roar can be heard by the other K class next door. His famous lines are: “Bwana Ben,” “Hit my five!” (for ‘good job, high five’), and “KATIKAAA KISWAHILI.” (err-) “KATIKAAA KISWAHILI!!” meaning “in Kiswahili.” I rarely get out a full sentence without a few “katikas.” He is extremely animated.

After a scheduling mishap Tuesday and eleven of us eating our supposed to be sit-down lunch in the hired vans, we arrived at the United States Embassy.

Don’t get too excited.

I expected to get some good advice from Americans who have lived here for a long time. It turned out to be American propaganda. The middle-aged, arrogant white men had no idea why we were even in Kenya. We were told not to ride matatus and to stay in our hotels at night, by a man who had lived here for a month and had never been downtown. Then we got speeches about how great embassy careers are. It was like a fourth grade field trip. The embassy in no way is as a resource for Americans. They told us not to call them if we are in trouble. They are only here to try to persuade and keep an eye on Kenyan government. Although I have the right to free speech, I still have a feeling that I am going to be put on some watchdog list for saying this. Truthfully, I was glad to be able to walk out of “Little America.”

Wednesday was a very good day. School was only half day and our free time was spent walking around Nairobi. Chippa met Tegan and I and Tegan rode a matatu for the first time. We were also kicked out of the matatu while it was still moving. Don’t worry, 5 mph tops.

Thursday was my last day of class with this scheduling. Kiswahilli I at the University is over and on Monday we will have “Kiswahili Camp” in Mombasa with the program and our teachers. After Camp, we resume with four classes: Geographies of Development lectures, Kiswal II, Gender, and Politics with Fridays off!

On Friday, I went shopping with Eric, Tegan and Amber. We went to the mall in Westlands. We are constantly trying to meet up with people but it’s very hard since most people don’t even know where they live. The group met at Alliance Francaise and watched a Kenyan concert until our taxis arrived to go to Carnivore, the restaurant. This is a world-renowned restaurant: top 50 in the world. The premise is meat, lots of meat. They serve one exotic meat a night, i.e. zebra, crocodile, or giraffe. We ate ostrich, pork, beef, lamb, turkey, and chicken. It was a lot of meat. Severs come to your table, offer you meat on swords and cut it off on your plate. The entire turkey on the sword must have been heavy.

On Sunday, I was able to travel from Tegan’s, into downtown, find my matatu station, find the #9 matatu, get off at the correct stop and remember which apartment is mine all by myself!!!!!
My host mom was very excited too!

View from a matatu

Kenyan Introductions

I apologize for not introducing people! Here are lists and where they live so you can identify them easier.

The girls from Kalamazoo:
Tegan (YWCA flats in town)
Becky (Karen)
Amber (Kililashwa)
Paloma (Roselyn)
Collin (Karen)
Emily (Karen)
Hannah (Westlands)

The boys:
Ben A (Westlands)
Ben D (South C)
Robbie (Runda)

My family (we live in Kariokor):
Monica
Chippa

My teachers/program leaders:
George (teaches Kiswahili)
Francis (teaches Kiswahili)
Fred Jonyo (program leader and teaches politics)
Lillian (program Director)
Roseanne (program leader)

Other host siblings:
Kevin (Tegan's brother)
Rhoda (Amber's sister)

Weekend Outings #1

September 6, 2009

Saturday morning I got up and went to Tegan’s with my host mom. Tegan and I walked around Nairobi all afternoon. I bought phone credits and a jumpdrive modem. It has been two days and already I am out of mb downloading credits. This is annoying. Our walk was very good, only we were followed by men trying to get us to go to the Maasai Market. We are white; therefore, we must only be looking for the market to buy souvenirs. We must also have money. I am to tell them that I am a student (mwanafunzi).

I left Tegan’s only to find out that I was being picked up there to go out. I rode with Monica’s trusted taxi driver back to Tegan’s place. We went to karaoke at the Kenyan National Theatre. Kenyans love American hits, especially 80’s and 90’s music and Shania Twain. A large group of us (host siblings and their friends) went to a club in Westlands. Amber, Tegan and I were in such great care. Everyone in our group protected us and made sure we weren’t being harassed. Tegan and I are more likely to get attention because we are white. The first time I went out on the dance floor I felt something on my pocket but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I realized it was this guy dancing next to me trying to pick pocket me. The joke was on him because there is no way I would carry anything in my pocket. The club played Hip Hop and R&B, like songs that I used to hear in the clubs I went to in high school. Coincidentally, at the club, I saw a group of white boys that I had seen the day before trying to catch a matatu. They had been wearing tiny straw hats and carrying large bags. They looked like they were in Thailand. I found out they were from England. We also saw another study abroad student that was on our plane and Emily Parsons knows. Kenyans stay out so late. We were out until 4 or 5am. We were traveling early and late in the night, the safest times. I spent the night at Tegan’s. We went to bed around 5am and I actually slept for 8 hours!!! Tegan had gone to church and back before I woke up… haha sorry Teg.

Chippa was so nice and came to get me at Tegan’s. Monica had a friend over, Dolly, who had one-year-old son. He was so cute. He laughed and laughed at me, not because I was doing anything, just because of my white skin. Dolly said that it had been a long time since he had seen a white person.

I went to dinner with my friends, Tim and Joe. We went to a pizza place, but Kenyan pizza is slightly different from American pizza. It is a lot less greasy, and a lot more variety of sauces and toppings, like chicken. I loved it, so good. I heard another Shania song of course.

I just saw a Michigan commercial on British CNN. OMG I miss Michigan. What a great state.

Missing Internet and Sleep

September 4, 2009

Yesterday was my first day at the University! Although, the day didn’t start off as exciting. I tried to fall asleep at 11pm, but didn’t fall asleep until 5am, and I had to get up at 7am. Now, I am not going to even try to sleep at regular hours; it is so frustrating. So today I slept from 6pm to 9pm and I am planning on staying up until I am very tired. I haven’t sleep for more than 3 hours straight since Sunday night.

Yesterday and today I rode with my Mama’s friend to the University. It takes me 10 to 20 minutes to get to school in the morning, which is a lot faster than some other K students. Many live far away, including three who live in Karen, a town many miles from city centre. The longest voyage to school is 2 or more hours. Orientation at the University consisted of introductions, program information, campus tour and Nairobi walking tour. Rufus accompanied us, as well as the current Nairobi student to study at K. Enoc, Humphrey and Peter were selected students to be our campus and Nairobi guides. They have been so helpful! They are happy to answer any questions we have and go out of their way to make sure we see important things and understand everything. The walking tour included visits to ATMs and buying cell phones. The K group all got Safaricom as our service provider. There are four main companies (others are Zain, Yu and Orange). Everyone here has a cell phone. It is appropriate to send important or formal messages through SMS (texting haha). Almost all phones are pay as you go. It is a cell phone culture, perhaps more than the United States, because everyone has one, uses it regularly and must SMS. So many stands sell phones and even more that sell minutes. Huts in the slum Kibera, sell vegetables, soda, and credits for phones.

Since it rained yesterday, there was a mad rush to the Mutatus at rush hour. There is no reason for this rush, other than when it rains, people know other people will be rushing. The traffic jam was horrendous. Car and vans were facing every direction but it was absolute stand still. Our mutatu turned around many times. Some mutates are pimped out – they have loud music, tv screens with music videos and darkened windows. You may ask why they would put so much money into their vehicles. Well, adolescents seek out the cool mutatus; they would not be caught dead in a plain mutatu. Pimped out mutatus draw in more riders. Yesterday and today my mutatu was pimped out. The music is so loud the bass pounds your heart. My mutatu ride was very painful. I was so tired, had to pee and got a headache. It took an hour and a half to go home. I ate dinner and went to bed. I woke up at 1am, and luckily my host brother was awake eating dinner (he has irregular sleeping patterns), because the worst part about not being able to sleep is being so lonely and not having internet. I miss people the most then. Internet is a good distraction for me and I am addicted, so I really miss it then as well. I have been reading Kenya guidebooks and studying a Nairobi map. My host brother and I watched “Friends” late last night. I was able to fall asleep again at 4am – I was so happy!

Today orientation consisted of academic introductions. Only four of the eleven of us have not taken a Kiswahili course. It has been embarrassing since people who know that we are students expect us to know some. We got our photos taken for our IDs and went to lunch as group. It was delicious. I had a Kuku burger, chicken on a baguette bun with sauces, and chips aka French fries. There is no ketchup and if you have ever eaten a burger or fries with me you know I like fries and burger with my ketchup and I’m sure that you’ll have so much sympathy that you’ll send me some ketchup…. Please. Also, mango juice is my new favorite drink, especially since I overdosed on Root Beer floats this summer and could not drink them anymore.

After lunch we went on a driving tour of Nairobi, which sounded fun, but turned out to be embarrassing in the city. We rode in safari vans, and might as well have been in safari jackets and bucket hats. The tour then went to Karen (pronounced Car-in) and the wealthy neighborhoods outside of town and that part was extremely informative. I haven’t seen anything like it here. Some neighborhoods are so ritzy; they have mansions even to American standards. Every house is gated and was amazingly maintained. Many of the Ministers live there.

I found out today that my debit card is not working in any ATMs. All my transactions are denied and I have no idea why since I alerted my bank I would be here. Therefore, I cannot buy the thing I really really want – a jumpdrive modem that receives internet from Safaricom. It’s about 4,000 KSH, about $53, plus megabyte credits. If anyone knows how I can reduce my megabyte-downloading while surfing let me know. Hopefully next time I update I will have internet on my laptop!

I Just Want to Sleep

September 2, 2009

Today I woke up late after a long night of little sleep. I never realized the role my internal clock plays. Even though I had barely slept the night before, I woke up at 2am and could not fall asleep until 6am (7pm to 11pm EST). After waking, I ate breakfast. My host mother, Mama Monica, took me to downtown Nairobi, which is about 15 minutes from our apartment. We went to a cyber café. While she ran errands, I spent 50 minutes online. I paid 50 shillings, which is about 70 cents - it was quite a bargain. After that, we walked around a lot and toured Nairobi, as I said before, I saw so many people. We went to a java café that resembled American cafes and I had a coke from an actual glass bottle. There were a high percentage of Americans there, which I thought was funny as it was the most American thing I saw all day. Then we took a bus to Toy Market in Kibera. Apparently, it is the biggest slum in Africa. Mama Monica bought spinach – four quart bags for less than a dollar. I met her cousin and we waited for a bus back to downtown. There are few rules for the road, basically only that people are supposed to drive on the left. The streets are packed with people, buses and mutatus. Pedestrian crossings are called zebra crossings, although no one uses them. Pedestrians cross anywhere.

Mutatus are vans or small buses that take people around Nairobi and suburbs. They generally cost 20 shillings, or 30 cents, per ride, but during peak times they can cost more. Mutatus are operated by three people: the driver (although he may seem reckless, it must take a lot of skill to drive in the madness of thousands of people and oversized vehicles), the solicitor (yells at people to get on the mutatu, signals to the driver to stop and go by hitting the side of the van, jumps on an off while it is moving, opens and closes the door, and collects money) and the mobster in the back (he sits silently and collects large bills from the solicitor to keep them safe). It was very interesting to ride these. Today I got little attention from the Kenyans, probably because I was with my hostmom and she held my hand most of the way. I was only spoken to when I hit my head while exiting a mutatu (a very hard task – people are crammed like sardines). The “solicitor” asked if I was ok.

We came home and it was time for me to bathe. I should probably mention that we don’t have running water. There is a shortage and no water comes out of the tap. Mama Monica has collected water and she boils it for meals and pours it into the toilet tank. There is also a shortage of electricity. The government turns off the electricity in the suburbs during the day, but most of the houses have wells, so they have water. Since we are close to the city, our city water is shut off, but we have electricity since the government does not turn off the city electricity to protect businesses. So when it was time for me to bathe, Mama Monica heated up some water and put it in a bucket in the shower. She asked, “Do you know what to do?” I said, “No.” I was to take a cup and pour the water over me. I was freezing. And at this point I am so grateful I cut off my hair. If I hadn’t I would being cutting it off right now. It is very hard to control the water, while trying to conserve it, and trying to get shampoo out of your hair with one hand. The excess water went into the toilet tank. Also, I cannot for the life of me flush the toilet. It is a sting hanging from the tank and you have to pull it really hard. It’s getting embarrassing to have my host family flush for me.

I read my orientation packet as Mama prepared dinner. We watched “Tyra,” the news in Swahili, and “Don’t forget the lyrics.” If you remember it, it was shown in the U.S. a few years ago and its basically “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” with lyrics. It’s hosted by Wayne Brady. We ate dinner of beef, rice and spinach. I gave Mama Monica and Chippa my presents. I brought five of my pottery pieces, all of which survived, Michigan jam and Saline (my hometown) memorabilia. Mama Monica went to bed and I watched Chippa play with Photoshop on his Mac while watching “Lipstick Jungle.”

My very Kenyan day ended with a very American night.

I Made It

I have arrived in Kenya, through delays, too many airplane meals, and little sleep. I have little access to internet so it is hard update. I have a mom, Mama Monica and a brother, Chippa. We live in a apartment. I have my own room. Downtown Nairobi is so different. I have never seen so many people in my life. I probably saw 10,000 people. Four were Caucasian. I love and miss you.

Random Life Update #1

Yesterday, I discovered that my Malaria medication, Malarone, would have cost $1300 without my insurance. I have become incredibly grateful for that co-pay.

I am back at Portage Lake after completing my summer in Kalamazoo residing in Hoben Hall and working with my professor Sarah Lindley.

It was a good summer in which I learned how to cut things and fired a cone 9 reduction kiln for the first time all by myself. It was a very accomplished day. I babysat that 2200 degree cube for 10 hours!

Today I saw Brandon off on his voyage to Costa Rica. His departure jolted me back to the reality and I became nervous for the first time in a long time for my travels. I also worked tirelessly to get my packing and buying organized for the next 10 days.

Battles

1) In 24 hours, I have talked to three U of M prescription coverage representatives, three Walgreen's Pharmacists, one prescription specialist from my doctor's office, received one email from Walgreen's, left one message at my doctor's office, was transferred three times, visited Walgreen's once and was written one incorrect prescription for a medication I don't even take. After a long battle, I am victorious. I pick up a six-month supply (as compared to a 90-day supply) of all my prescriptions on Monday, plus a $200 co-pay.

2) Comerica Bank told me they would give me 52 Kenyan shillings for $50 US.

Huh?

Let's do the math.
According to Google (as of 8/14/09), 1 Kenyan shilling = 0.013132 U.S. dollars.
Therefore, 52 Kenyan shillings = $.68
Total Loss: $49.32

3) The CIP has published a program specific guidebook for every K site except Kenya and Senegal. Africa is a little behind on the times. Again.

Chapter 1: Kelsey in Kenya

Since I have answered some questions about my future study abroad experience at least one hundred times (ex. You: "So what will you be doing in Kenya?" Me: "GAHHHHH"), I have created this blog to answer those questions and update friends and relatives on my current adventures.

Through Kalamazoo College's Center for International Programs, I will be participating in a six month study abroad at the University of Nairobi.

(Courtesy of cnn.com)

On August 31, 2009 at 7:10pm, I leave for Nairobi, Kenya from Detroit Metro Airport. After an eight hour flight I arrive in Amsterdam and after a seven hour flight I finally arrive in Kenyatta Airport in Nairobi. There, I will meet my host family for the first time!

Itinerary:

September 1, 2009: Arrive in Nairobi at 7:05pm East Africa Time
September 3, 2009: Orientation begins
September 7, 2009: Kiswahili & Geographies of Development classes begin, plus three other TDB courses
December 18, 2009: Semester program ends and holiday break begins
Holiday Break 2009: My family visits
January 11, 2010: Academic program resumes (Integrated Cultural Research Project*)
February 13, 2010: Program ends, Traveling throughout Africa or Kenya begins
February 20, 2009: Depart from Nairobi
February 21, 2009: Arrive in Detroit

Preparations:

Shots/Medications - I went to the U of M Health System Travel Clinic in the Taubman Center. Thankfully, I was caught up on many immunizations that are required for Kenya. Although I did receive Adult Polio, Yellow Fever, and Typhoid Fever vaccines (ouch!). I also received a prescription for Malarone (Atovaquone) for Malaria prevention and Rifaximin for travelers' diarrea. (Yes, I will get travelers' diarrea). All of my immunizations are covered by insurance (yay!). I was warned by the Kalamazoo College Health Center that they would be up to $500.

In my less than informational and disappointing departure packet from the CIP, I received these items:

International Student Identification Card (Basically a card with my passport photo laminated to it)

My returned passport with Visa!

A lot of other uninteresting and unhelpful documents

*ICRP:

The Integrative Cultural Research Project (ICRP) can be either a research project or an unpaid (it is illegal for me to obtain a paid job on my visa) internship in the Nairobi area that explores global issues and the local circumstances, approaches, and solutions while enhancing students’ local language skills. The program staff assists with the project design, internship placement, or both. The research or internship will result in a major paper (10-15 pages). The paper must be turned in to the Resident Director before the end of the academic program or no credit will be awarded. (Paragraph stolen from CIP Kenya PDF)

Disclaimer: I certainly welcome any creative and unique questions. Please ask me!